I am feeling so much better today I guess I just really needed to cry cause once I did that I had it out of my system and I was smiling again and I feel really good.
I wish that I could go to group with the same people but I can't and they don't even have one where I am, what ever will I do.
I can't wait for church on sunday, there are some nice people here in this town and then there are some others that I don't care for but hey you gotta take the good with the bad and the ugly.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Angel Tears
Today I saw the most beautiful baby in his first photo shoot, how precious, he looks so angry I love it.
As time is moving on I miss him more, I wish he could talk cause really it would be great, I much rather hear him, then really see him.
Cameron started talking about marriage and kids again I broke down, I don't know if I want to have any more kids, the last 4 months in each one would kill me, cause I would think about Elijah. I know I will get past it, eventually.
My family members that I told want to meet him but I don't know if I want them too, cause I know they will have a harder time with seeing him then I will.
I was looking at my brothers and my baby pictures omg we all look alike, when we were first born but now not so much.
Now that I am alone in my dorm, I have started to have nightmares, I keep feeling like someone is holding me down, and I can't breath, then there is a pain in my stomach, I look down and see blood. Scarey, I miss the girls at group so much I want to talk to them I want someone to hug me. But its just me out here.
Its like I finally have to deal with what happened to me, but I don't to, not yet, not ever.
As time is moving on I miss him more, I wish he could talk cause really it would be great, I much rather hear him, then really see him.
Cameron started talking about marriage and kids again I broke down, I don't know if I want to have any more kids, the last 4 months in each one would kill me, cause I would think about Elijah. I know I will get past it, eventually.
My family members that I told want to meet him but I don't know if I want them too, cause I know they will have a harder time with seeing him then I will.
I was looking at my brothers and my baby pictures omg we all look alike, when we were first born but now not so much.
Now that I am alone in my dorm, I have started to have nightmares, I keep feeling like someone is holding me down, and I can't breath, then there is a pain in my stomach, I look down and see blood. Scarey, I miss the girls at group so much I want to talk to them I want someone to hug me. But its just me out here.
Its like I finally have to deal with what happened to me, but I don't to, not yet, not ever.
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