Escort Prayer

In the evening hour, when I feel alone
I put the steel tip to my dome and pull the trigger

I couldn't fuck for figures, 350 an hour
my womb not my vagina, is the source of my power
I was made to create life, not just suck and ride
so while you bathing in your riches, know you cannot hide
You've lost yourself worth, denied children they birth
twisted and manipulated the system, but play like you the victim
Each word rings true, the scars on your uterus are the proof
You've allowed man to have his way with you
Now you broke, homeless, got kids; you don't know what to do

Pray
Instead of getting on your knees and getting a mouth full of nut
Pray to your Father, tell him whats up
He can and will deliver you from any situation
Put your trust and faith in him, and show appreciation

Mother

She said "hold on to my hand"
and never let go
My Mother, I love her
taught me everything I know
Her wisdom and understanding
helped nurture my growth
I remember every word
Mom-ma, I'm following the Lord
I might be perfect
but I's still a sinner
acquitted of all charges
Jehovah my mediator
He bargained with the father
and is serving out my sentence
I thank him for the chance
to dwell in his Heavenly presence
If it wasn't for my mother
I would never know his face
and I would be another
waste of his saving grace
So I hold on to the knowledge
my mother gave me from birth
I will keep doing his will,
till I leave this Earth
You can call me naive
but I know the truth
There is a God
and I am living proof

Cause & Effect

Effect:
I said Hey, what's up, hello
Your a trap Queen but you're probably broke
sucking dick for money but you say your not a ho
you smoke all the weed and you fucking on the low
his baby mama crazy, better hope she don't know
call yourself loyal, never been faithful to the Lord
But I ain't here to judge, NO


Cause:
At a loss for empathy
drowning in your misery
gave him your heart, loved him after he cheated
so you looking for sympathy, but all advice you never heeded
like Alice in wonderland, you follow a white rabbit
The cocaine, the booze and the club, all bad habits
posted at the crib with a huge fatty
Bob Marley and Lean, got you questioning gravity
You said fuck these bitch niggas, I can do it on my own


Effect:
I gave her the pipe once and that was all that was needed
2 months later, pregnant, she say she gone keep it
Shorty kinda cool and she stay giving me money
But having my kid don't make you my girl
So she better not start acting like, me and her against the world
I'ma stay here to help hold her down
but as soon as she trips, I skipping town


Cause:
Shorty was my world, my every thing
I was working two jobs, saving for that wedding ring
Man it couldn't be my girl, she wouldn't do me like that
Till I saw her for myself, throwing that ass back
I supported her ass and this how she doing me all along
Man fuck bitches, whats the point of be Mr. Right
If that bitch gonna do you wrong


Effect:
DEATH

Cause:
HATE

Time

Time, oh time
how do you keep getting away from me
I locked you in a box, with all my other memories
So how can you be in this casket in front of me

Time, Oh time
I've been so blind, only thinking of my misery
I didn't want to let you go, but you gave me no choice
cause you couldn't stand still and I wouldn't move forward
so you passed me by, left me in the moment
I remember your touch
I remember your words
I remember your tears
And I can still feel your hurt

Time, oh time
we fell in love, I know it was real
I was carrying your child, the stress of life wouldn't yield
while I stopped to catch my breath
you left me in hopelessness, how could you betray my confidence

Time, oh time
will we ever see our end
will you continue to come and go; as the people I befriend
will I bury you with my loved ones
or mourn you in my sleep
or will you leave me

Time, oh time
after I've fall ill and weak

Saved the Best for Last

It wasn't surrounded by neon lights, directing people to its entrance
The door was narrow, a long line entered single file and began to take their seats
When the crowd had settled, the lights were dimmed and a women walked to the middle of the stage

    "Tonight, we will take you on one woman's journey from rags to riches; this play will call into question the true definition of wealth and power. Does the maiden of this story have the right idea, or does she suffer from a illusion so grand that she would stumble upon success by accident. Tonight, you will be her judge, The Woodside Theater is proud to present, "I am Jasmine C. Petit"

The curtains opened to a scene most devastating, a 25 year old, mother of four, is on her knees pleading for her life. A shadowy figure stands in the corner pointing a gun at the female character and orders her to strip. The audience watches in horror as the women is rapped, tears fall from their eyes, a women in the crowd cries out, memories formulating in her head. Reminding her of a time when, she too had been broken and abused by the devil.

The curtain closes and opens displaying the next scene, now the mother of four is 26 and she is with child, the audience falls silent, all curious, did the figure in the shadows impregnate this women? The audience will never know and neither would the women because they only saw one of the two rapes that happened that day.

Two hours later, the play is coming to an end, the final act curtains open. In the middle of the stage stands a 24 year old female, she is simply dress, her face not heavy with makeup. She speaks...

   "I am Jasmine C. Petit, born in sin, restored to Gods glory, my journey as you have seen took me straight through the pit of hell and back. Words cannot express the gratitude that I feel towards each of you, thank you for your love and support, have a blessed night."

The crowd rose to their feet a standing ovation, the lights in the theater turned on, as I looked out over the crowd, I saw my coaches and teachers. Church leaders, friends and teammates; the room was filled with the characters from my play, every person that I met before and during this existence. Including my Father.
He walked from the back of the room to the stage, up on stage he wrapped me in his arms, holding me in his embrace. So that everyone could see the love that this father had for his child.

    "My beautiful daughter, many blessings I have given you but I saved the best for last"

He reached out his hand and said walk with me, into the future for I have forgotten your past, I took my fathers hand and walked in Faith, knowing that the Kingdom of my Father was waiting for me.

Long Time Coming

It's been along time coming
you've been stealing food off my plate
Now we both are starving
It was your sin, but both our fates
Those that tread in Evil
they cannot stand the light
Nothing but misery befalls them
because they refuse to choose the right

It's been a long time coming
the lord is calling on you
to deliver his message
to all those who believe his word to be true
Peace be to all my brothers
who dwell in righteousness
your heart is Pure
you love thy neighbor
So your salvation is surely in-stored

Nothing or No-thing?

I know the devil is watching me, he isn't pleased with my words
not that I have the power alone to destroy him, but I walk in faith with my Father as my defense
Bearing the armor of God, starting with Truth

Truth, I came into this world with no-thing, so I shall leave with no-thing

With that truth alone, stopped a siege upon my heart
my quest for gain brought to a stand still at this revelation

For I was created from nothing,
so in reality nothing is something
so from something I was formed
believed in many things
but would leave with no-thing

This was too much for me to wrap my head around
I took to the streets, often walking for hours
with no relief to be had

From where did I come and for what purpose?
Two questions that have plagued my soul
then a conversation with Einstein provided the answer
he said, " There are two days of the year you can never do anything about, yesterday and tomorrow."

I had failed in life because I failed to live today, this moment and this breathe
I was thinking of my next move, trying to plan my life
only to plan it, into failure
I had fought my fight against time
All 68,000 soldiers posed against me
I stood there alone, waiting for the army that my father was sure to send me

My army never came and wave after wave, passed over me
and when I woke, I found another day had passed me
to what end would I meet, what was my true desire?

For if I truly loved the Lord, death would never over take me
Nor would any weapon that was formed against me prevail

So it was I who lacked faith in the Lord, never truly believing that he would send angels to guard me
And when I woke, I began to question my father pleading,
"why did you not send for me, or give me wings so that I may fly"

My Fathers reply spoke to his greatness,
"I created you from the ashes of a world fallen, that you may remember that you will be reborn after the fire has settled."
Eternal life, was in the ability to rise after I had fallen, to stand where once I lay waste

No-thing created me, therefore I was more than something
I was everything
I was to live, to die, to be reborn

Dear Lord

At night I toss and turn,
trying to find the most comfortable spot on your chest
failing to realize, its just my lumpy pillow
the thud I thought was your heart beat
was the air conditioner turning on
I didn't want to be cool if I couldn't feel your warm embrace
The sudden realization, I couldn't forget this strangers face
But he was a stranger no more
He was my Blessing, my angel, my lord
I was Ruth and born for such a time as this
to look upon your face and kiss your lips
to wash your feet with my tears and hair
My heart was over joyed when I read your words, oh lord
in the bible, In the letter that Paul wrote to Titus,
I read your words,
"so that those who believed in God may be careful to devote themselves to Good works. These things are excellent and profitable for people, but avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless" - Titus 3:8-9
I felt my little head about to pop off
He was/is the Lords messenger, and he spoke to me saying,
"And let our people learn to devote themselves to good works, so as to help cases of urgent need, and not be unfruitful." Titus 3:14
I had offered up my honest prayer and asked the Lord to me show me what I needed to understand
So that I may submit to the will of the Lord
And he heard the desires of my heart and answered my prayer,
So in the words of Ruth
Lord I submit to you.

Now That's Love

In the midnight hour you call to him
Praying that death not take you, in the silent of night
then you think, when has the night ever been silent
Outside a storm is raging, the sky is black, the moon is Blood Red
Children cries can be heard, sirens and deaths low rumble

In the midnight hour you call his name
but you don't have faith he will answer
You silence the prayers of your heart
It's that silence at night, the devil is after
Have faith in your fathers love and your brothers sacrafice
You will find joy in this life and the one here after

It does not require ceremonious dress
or a flaunting of your blessings
A simple, thank  you for all you provide
and thank you for every lesson
We have but one commandment
That is to Love
For example of which we have Jesus Christ
who sacrificed his life
Now that's Love

Life

Life, the great mystery
Many have tried to tell your story
they falsely boost of having conquered you
and create shows to ensnare the mind
and as you watch them live there lives,
you die, never having lived yours

I couldn't tell you how to live life
I don't know any profound lessons
but I know my life will never end
for every day is GOD's blessing
No weapon formed against me, shall ever prosper
I am royalty by birth right, thanks to the mercy of my father

Life is hard
Do not be fooled by sweet whispers of nothingness
only death awaits those that fail to live
Life begins with creation

Saved

I thought that my eyes had been opened and I saw the glory of the lord
but I was a only hearing his words and had not yet had them engraved on my heart
I was leaning on my own understanding, as though I were the creator
Forgetting that while yes I was a creator, I was not the creator
I didn't know how to make my life what I wanted to be, I needed help

So I turned toward the street and there stood a man,
our eyes locked and then he turned to the right and began to head down the street
I began to follow him, until I found myself running after him, this mystery man
When he stopped I found myself at a community center
there was nothing special about this building
it was not a lavish temple or a building of grand design
As I entered in, there was a large room to my right
20 or so people seated, waiting to be feed
I followed the man into the room and I took a seat close to the back

A women stood up and I wondered could she not see the man to her right
As the women began to speak, the man walked toward her and entered body
The women continued to speak but her voice had changed
You eyes fell upon me and never left
I began to weep as she preached to me
She began to talk of my past and began to shout out my many sins
In my heart I pleaded with her to stop but she kept going
My heart could bare no more, I was overwhelmed with grief
Knowing that this room full of strangers now had a detailed account of all my sins

The women bowed her head and silence fell from her lips
the stranger walked out of her body and stood to the right of her
Then a man got up and as he began to speak, the stranger entered him
The mans voice changed and once again I had locked eyes with a stranger
who was speaking to me, calling my name
How did he know my name, how did he know what was in my heart
As the man spoke tears began to swell in my eyes, I was overcome with joy
The man spoke of love, a love so divine so great, that it saved souls
A love that if embraced would restore order and peace to the mind, body and spirit

When the man had concluded the stranger exited his body and stood in front of the pulpit
I ran to him and embraced him, tears now streaming from my eyes
I kissed the mans feet and began to wash them with my tears and hair
The stranger a stranger no more, embraced me and spoke the sweetest words
"I love you, your faith has saved you; go in peace"
My heart has never known such a joy before that day
My heart has not known sadness since

Confederate

Confederate - join in agreement or treaty (noun) - an accomplice

Often the road we travel on, was paved by another

their blood, sweat and tears, helped shape our nation of "Fears" (False evidence appearing real)

devastated by poverty and righteous indignation

black folks still waiting on reparations

trying to educate our brothers, at a loss for mothers

Fathers are the flesh and bone of the penal system

victims of they skin, their sin so they missing

Not knowing our history we are doomed to repeat it

Slavery is only part they tell us cause its needed

to continue to control our minds and emotions, Africa's resources depleted

than they show us images of cops killing blacks, to start riots

to call us savage and have us back on our backs

raping us and mother earth simultaneously

Every human genetic trait in our DNA, EVE the black female in latter days beaten savagely

The African King once a mighty warrior, prances around

lost disconnected from his roots, which once connected to the heart of Africa

pumping oxygen rich blood through mother earth's life source, the Nile

A history as rich as our home continent, destroyed

manipulated and retold, to hide the truth

All men are not created equal, 

you are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, You are my people

A father and his child, they will never be equal

Stand side by side as men, and the child still looks to his father for direction

the father looks at his child, not as a struggle but a blessing

Just Sex

Sex was my sole tool of destruction
Ask anyone whose had it, they want more, ain't that something
I thought it gave me value, being able to suck dick
Until I realized, I was worse than worthless, I was a trick
Giving men food, money,shelter and sex
Hoping to hear, I love you, your the best
They told my homies, I don't miss her, but damn can she fuck
turn around and get mad, when those same homies say, what's up

At 23, I got tired of just having sex
Being the one you call, just when you want to bust a nut
But when I stop being the jump off girl, now I'm a slut?
I thought it was just sex, why you taking my comments up the butt?
It was just sex the first time in the alley,
Outside, against your truck, in my anal cavity
Just sex in your mommas house
Upstairs, while your sister was asleep on the couch
Just sex, when we fucked up my carpet
cause you was finally hitting it right
I couldn't turn off the "faucet"

just having sex was my only vice
Until I finally let you walk out my life

I believe In his LOVE

See I was on the verge of breaking down
Satin held me captive with fear, my soul was bound
Then I heard the voice of the Lord say, "Come follow me"
"My kingdom waits for, from fear, you are free
If you just call on me
I will set you free
deliver you from misery
Bind the devil and have angels watch over thee
I can see it in your eyes
despair has you hypnotized
Lost all hope in human kind
Not wishing to expand your mind
All your religions are flawed
They have corrupted my word
They say their church is the only way
But that's why I died on the cross that day
Give all glory to the Lord
Spread love where ever you go
find beauty in everything
Eternal life is waiting
have belief in your soul
I'll never stop opening doors
All you have to do is call on me
My child your faith has set you free

Dressed UP Garbage cans

Lets get started you'll its time to take some trash out

Romans 12: 2 - Do not be conformed to this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good acceptable and perfect.

How many times have we gone to God and said, " Lord I cant do this no more, I don't want that man, or I don't want to use that drug, lord I don't wanna club no more. Lord take it away."

I am know I am guilty of asking the lord to take something away, he throws it in the trash and then like a sinner, I start digging in that trash trying to find what I just ask God to help me throw away. The messed up part is after I get it back, I asked God to take it away again cause I remember I had no need of it, that is why God threw it out in the first place. I started to notice each time I would take something out the Garbage it got harder to throw away the next time.
If the desire for the sin is greater than your desire to change, you will be right back in that trash, trying to get what you and God have already thrown away.

We have churches full of dressed up Garbage cans, people say you can't come in the Lords house dressed like that, "Well it sounds like its your house to me", Oh you have to give and give and give "MONEY" to the church to receive your blessings and inherit Gods kingdom.

My issues with religion and I think we all can agree, first we put a limit on a spiritual force that knows no limits. Second, they tell you, if you follow these rules that I give you, maybe you can get into heaven. Ain't that some bull, Pastor aren't you a sinner like me, didn't we just go to the strip club last night and didn't Deacon John, just finish you off before services.

We are all sinners trying to make it, stop listening to man, stop listening to religion and actually read God's word for yourself. Don't read it with your understanding, listen to the understanding that God will give you. Spread his message of LOVE.

When you except the love of Christ and you allow him to bless your life he will, there is someone other there thinking, That its to far and hard for me to go to God, I'm to dirty with sin, guess what, God will come to you, no matter where you are, you will never be clean enough, thats why we need him, call on him, open your arms, except his love its unconditional. You don't have to look a certain way, or go to a specific church. Just open your heart, minds and arms and except Gods love which is, Forgiving, affirming and empowering.

Desire

Whatever you desire, shall be yours, lest your desire not fit in the space in which you occupy in this universe.
To put in more simple terms, whatever you believe you can accomplish is possible, unless you doubt your ability to fulfill your purpose.
Having a righteous desire, is the striving to add value to all things
Wicked desires is wanting to have value added to yourself, never thinking of how you must first add value to receive value.
For example, how does one add value to a meal like chicken noodle soup? First you add the broth, then the salt, chicken, noodles, carrots, celery and other spices or herbs. You add things you value, to increase the value or beneficial results of what you intend to take in. It is required to add value to any and all things, before you wish to call upon the law of compensation and receive your desired reward.

My desire is to enrich the lives of those that choose to listen or read, the desires of my heart. I have learned that through great adversity comes get triumph, when one learns to see the value in all things. Every person you come in contact with has the ability to be an amazing blessing to your life, if you choose to view them as such.
The key to a righteous desire is perception, how you view the world, so shall it be.

This world is a beautiful place, filled with milk and honey; however the people have been wandering aimlessly trying to find "the promised land." They are hungry and weary from travel, so they stop and begin to murmur, "Moses has lead us into the wilderness to die."

Interpretation - Moses had directed the slaves to their desired freedom, however fear, made them think their task was too hard, that they would never reach "the promised land." Had the slaves seen the value of the situation, they were now free to eat of their own labor, not dependent on the labors of another. They could settle and build for themselves all that they desire, because of fear; they think the task at hand is to great for them to accomplish. So they much rather eat, drink and be merry, while someone else toils.

Before casting Adam and Eve out of the garden, the Lord said "by the sweat of your brow shall you eat," IF WHAT YOU ARE DOING ISN'T ADDING VALUE TO YOUR SURROUNDINGS, YOU WILL FIND YOUR PLATE ALWAYS HAS A LITTLE LESS FOOD.
LABOR FOR YOURSELF BUT BEFORE YOU CAN GAIN ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF, YOU MUST HELP ANOTHER GAIN AND ADD VALUE.
Its like going to the bank for a loan to buy a house, you must have something to give them, before they will give you, your loan and home.

Can a Sinner like me?

They call me an angel, not seeing all my flaws
others they mock me , hoping that I fall
I'm just a sinner, who wants to have it all
Someone to love her, someone I can give the world
Lord tell me, what you ask me
Cause I hear you calling my name, as I walk the streets
Tell me your will, and I will fulfill my calling
Share your message of Love, can I ask you something?

Can a sinner like me, be worthy of your love?
Could I help another, reach your kingdom above?
How can you love me, after all I've done?
Lord, I give my heart to you, this soul you have won!

This world you created, is riddled with disease
Man has forgotten your word, stopped taking to his knees
Science, its tells us, it started with a bang
But I know the truth , your the creator of everything
Man is now your adversary, choosing hate over love
We say we are the master of everything, but our power comes from above
No more will I hide, or shrink from the truth
Oh father, I'm in love with you

Can a sinner like me, be worthy of your love?
Could I help another, reach your kingdom above?
How can you love me, after all I've done?
Lord, I give my heart to you, this soul you have won!

Pleasure in Pain

It finally hit me, like a ton of bricks
the reason for all the lies and hateful antics
I thought you would be mad if I hated you or wanted you back
but the fact that I am happy for you, really got you mad
I'm sorry I can't hate you, never have never will
so you and your girl can keep wishing me ill
I pray for you and her and both your families every night
the sad fact, that last sentence just got you tight
I'm not a hateful person and my heart is better than gold
which makes you hate me and makes me love you more
I found pleasure in pain and beauty in disaster
I found a nothing but misery in what was supposed to be happily ever after
I know it hurts you to the core knowing I would never love you more
more than a brother or a friend, knowing I'm actually grateful for our end
Every man wants to be wanted but I don't want you
I could careless for having the friendship back too
you showed your true colors as all people do
Red is the color of love, but your actions all prove you BLUE
I wrote this little rap and you proved every word true

"Fucked a bitch so good, he swear he a real nigga,
coming for me, you never pulled one trigger
you say I ain't beat, how the fuck you figure
allergic to fake, you never met one realer
I look beat, you look beat up
get paid for my looks, haters call me a slut
no fendi no prada, I don't need designer
you bitches is fake and you niggas vagina
I stand 6 foot 1 and I'm still getting higher
you still talking shit but your pockets look drier
first you say you blood but you rocking the blue
pants at your knees you a prison fruit loop
say you got money, we all see that ain't true
ride niggas dicks, think I'd be fucking with you
Your words don't fade me, your death wouldn't dismay me
still in your feelings quit being a baby
300 plus pounds and your soft as fuck
I would whoop your ass, but ain't nobody got time for your butt"
-JJ

The ONE

I would describe you as my dream and you would say I'm your nightmare
We dance around one another, trying to forget the other one is there
You hate me cause I abandoned you but your true feelings keep me connected with you
You say you don't care for my writing but you can't stop reading
You admonish my writings of failed relationships but your ears perk up at talk of being in love with him, the ONE
the ONE Mr. Right, in Ohio they asked if we were brother and sister, I giggled, most couples do look alike
Anger finally fell from my lips, "shut the fuck up" "I'm tired of your shit, I'm beating up myself enough, I don't need your help with it."
Silence and silence there after, I thought things would end that day but the feelings got strong, I see the longing in your eyes, I want to gaze longer
Distance made your heart grow fonder so I retreat, still waiting, where you last left me, feeling defeated
We run from each other, both running in a circle, our circles intertwine, we are the other half of each others infinity sign; so we keep running into each other
We were bound before this world, before this universe, we are bound forever

Nothing But the Truth

I swear to tell nothing but the truth so help me God

  5 years ago we made the biggest mistake, we took our friendship to a sexual level, thereby changing the dynamics of what was once a great friendship.
You said you always admired my drive in high school, thru friendship I tried to communicate what my driving force was but was unsuccessful. I thought that if I couldn't push you as your friend I could push you as your women and there lay my biggest flaw/mistake; pursuing you and taking our relationship further,
       I am sorry for forcing us to get together and I am sorry for keeping us together as long as we did. I am also sorry for ending us in that manner and should have ending things more politely. I do not envy her, or wish to have her place. when I forced us together I completely lost sight of all that made me strong and driven. I tried to push you and failed because I lost sight of the truth. The strength that I had and you needed could only come from inside you. We were never meant to be together and I know that but for goodness sake its been a year why are you still trying to bad mouth me. 
"You will destroy my name, no one will remember me" are we in high school, what do I a lioness care for the opinions of sheep. I didn't think I would have to explain that to a "real nigga" such as yourself. 
      If my words to Synn offended you, I'm sorry but you should know I love him like a brother, everyone who worked at inferno was like family to me, at least the guys were like my brothers. I love all of them and you but like a brother. But you do some shit that I just can't fuck with no more, I had to leave my childish ways behind, we weren't in school anymore. We didn't have to pretend to still romantically care about one another. You've always seen me as your little sister and I'm sorry I pushed so hard to change that. 
      Bro, its time to grow up, all that bad mouthing calling me an escort, homie hopper and bitch, like come. 95% of the people you introduced me to, got to know me well enough its laughable that you would even say it. When did I ever go to the club before you, never hence why I'm never in the clubs since I stopped working there and everyone left. 
     There is no need to keep talking crap about me and regardless of the fact that people say I'm talking shit I'm not. I might bring up a memory and if that's still a sensitive area for you, well its been a year your happily moved on, I would think you don't care by now. They run and tell you foul shit but did they tell you what I wrote about you on fathers day? probably not, why? because the people that care don't matter and the people that matter don't care. 
     The past is the past, its time to let things rest, unless your recalling a memory don't speak of me and I will continue to do as I've always done. Write about my life.

You Tried It

Me a hater I can't believe your tried it,
After a decade of friendship, you would think you would stop lyin,
Your friends say its about the dick but we both know the truth
You got an obligation to a little girl, who adores you
I could give a fuck about your feelings or how it may look
But your mom-ma cries herself to sleep, her chest hurts from your bull
Your pops is wondering where he went wrong, tried to raise a man but you a just a boy that's full grown,
You say you ain't got time but we all know that's bullshit
You have time for what you make time for, so they all know who really means shit
Stop chasing after girls and chase after your family
They are the ones who really have your back, your just a disappointment, no shade just facts
You got her tatted on her arm but you forgot she was there
Made excuses for how you treat her, she is a child it ain't fair
I'm just a friend, who your family adopted
Don't think this is more than that,
So to me they are as much my family
You're my brother, Dog your wack