Angel Tears

Today I saw the most beautiful baby in his first photo shoot, how precious, he looks so angry I love it.
As time is moving on I miss him more, I wish he could talk cause really it would be great, I much rather hear him, then really see him.
Cameron started talking about marriage and kids again I broke down, I don't know if I want to have any more kids, the last 4 months in each one would kill me, cause I would think about Elijah. I know I will get past it, eventually.
My family members that I told want to meet him but I don't know if I want them too, cause I know they will have a harder time with seeing him then I will.
I was looking at my brothers and my baby pictures omg we all look alike, when we were first born but now not so much.
Now that I am alone in my dorm, I have started to have nightmares, I keep feeling like someone is holding me down, and I can't breath, then there is a pain in my stomach, I look down and see blood. Scarey, I miss the girls at group so much I want to talk to them I want someone to hug me. But its just me out here.
Its like I finally have to deal with what happened to me, but I don't to, not yet, not ever.