Two Faced

There is a women in us all, wanting to be loved,
behind that women is a very scared girl.
My mind and body is its own battlefield,
The war has been waged,
since I was young, the child in me worked so hard to preserve my innocence,
How it was too late, at age three my life was taking from me,
I walk this world and empty vessel, destroyed by man's seed,

Life got crazy and I stared reaching for life lines.
found that they had all dried up, and while you were bring roots for people,
They could only be your branch,
You stepped out on them and the limb broke for the pressure of your weight

Two faced, he was two facd

Sleepless

I could neither sleep nor gainfully employ myself,
I was restless but did not want to move past the confides of my four walls,
The most brief interaction, tears were shed,
I couldn't hold it back no more,
again this person was seeing me,
seeing wright through me,
My fears were on display and it was if he as reading my mind.
I wanted him out of my head, but I wanted him in my bed,
Something greater then he or I could have expected,
something was awaking, I was vulnerable, he knew this,
There as no bull shit but raw emotions,
The finally wall had been broken,
the moment he acknowledge that scared little girl.
He saw her and I didn't know how to connect to her,
he was the bridge, he was the key to communicating, with this young girl.
For the first time I didn't want him to hug me sexually but as a comforting friend.
The shoulder to cry on, I had reached my end.

Star Dust

The moonlight shining on my window pane,
others cries I hear and claim,
on my back wear your cross as my pain,
this was the life and the journey,
tortured to sustain,

I couldn't breathe the walls came in on me,
the words you were speaking, sounded foreign to me,
yet you continued to speak, the expression in your face softened,
the spell had been broken, it was never the same again,

The Star had fallen to the earth,
was unraveled, than clothed in divine worth,
beaten she never lost her luster,
this fallen Star, her voice was like thunder,
When she spoke, all others were silenced,
with her presence, his eyes were opened,
If he plead out this would be his sentence,

Awakening

The roar, a low rumble traversing the African Plain,
awaking the beast within as she settles in her new skin,
Growing pains, as had happened during puberty,
This new creature, still unsure of her feet,
wanting to play but her hunger compels her to hunt.
She circles back to the lands just south of her den
Those were times of plenty and her belly was always fat,
Now she retreated to the den,
finally licking her wounds and allowing herself to heal,

Jasmine, wake up...

It was another one of those dreams,
but she wasn't asleep, she had experienced black outs,
Her subconscious wanted to talk to her
but she was too preoccupied,
be still and listen,

I'm sorry that I wasn't there to protect you but you have to move on, you can not allow yourself to be consumed by the plan. Things don't go as you plan, you have to learn to roll with the punches. You are a big girl now and you'll don't cry. Understand this love is not one sided,

Affairs in Order

It's time to get my affairs in order,
I can't say that I have enjoyed life,
It has been one burden after another,
pain and anguish,
I have often hoped for the best,
however, I am often met with the worse,
My life has no value or meaning,
Each attempt to love myself,
results in my own destruction,
I have tried to end my misery without success,
Nothing could destroy me, including myself,
The world would be better without,
I tell myself daily,
just end it now,
I must get my affairs in order,
as to not leave a financial burden for my family,
as to not cause my family anymore pain,
When the time comes,
I hope to journey into the cold dark night,
never to return, peace at last,

Dear Elijah

First let me start by telling you I love you and not a day goes by that I don't wish you were with me.

It all started with a team,
I was playing basketball in college,
never went to class and thought I had all the knowledge,
flirting nice and casual,
In the middle of the happenings,
I was living every athletes college dreams,

Season ended things got hazy,
starting feeling kinda crazy,
found out I was having a baby,
what in the world, wait maybe,

I knew that I wanted you but you weren't mine to have,
Seeing as how you let five months pass,
I never felt you move or saw you grow gradually,
you were all of a sudden, someone I was having,
So the choice seemed real simple,
I would give you away with love,
Too two people that you had chosen from above,
The first time I felt you leap,
I was staring at a picture of your parents, you didn't skip a beat,

The time we had left, flew quickly by,
I was your angel, you gave me new life,
But the joy quickly turned to sadness, as I longed for your smell,
The touch of you, wish I knew it this well,
Salted tears give way, dreams die and we pray,
I have been hopelessly wandering, falling,
Screaming to be loved by you,

My dark days are dark, and the deep is blue,
I see you grow up from the pages of the book,
that stabbing pain, that flicker of jealous,
I wish that were me, I wish that were me,
to kiss away a sudden bump,
or build forts using tree stumps,
I wish I was laughing and living each day,
With you my dear child,
I just wish you could stay,

Time may heal old wounds,
scars form and are torn each year,
this should be a time of cheer,
I retreat to my solemn bed to weep,
Missing my child, my love, my me

BABY

Baby I'm not made of stone, it hurts
the way you let our marriage fail, it hurts
I cried in May, vowed to make you pay, it burns
After all these years, I still love you, I'm CURSED
Burning flesh, our loving was the best,
almost sealed for eternity, with you I found my rest,
the urge was too much, she offered you a different kind of love,
so you left and blamed me for the pain you caused,

Baby I'm not made of stone, it hurts how you left me alone,
you promised me forever but we ended in a tragedy,
your lies and abuse cause us great loss,
so we lost three children and always fought,
the closet seemed so small as you started beating me,
I wanted and begged to be your everything,
friends should never be lovers but lovers should be friends,
we did things backwards, so we met our end,

Deception was your name, from the south talked a slick game,
while I was working you were cheating,
every line you had me believing,
I thought my African king had found me,
Just another thug wanting to run the streets,
So I made the best decision for me, gave you no more time to deceive,
I don't delete memories but you were lost in the breeze,
Fallen from the stars, hanging in the trees,

Baby I'm not made of stone, it hurt
The way love has evaded me, it hurts
I can't let these feelings go, it burns
So my soul dies for your love, it yearns
playing house, you want me devoted,
think I'll be submissive you must be smokin,
So you can be out there gaming, and I'll sit here waiting,
So I treat our home like a revolving door,
leaving in the hopes I will find more,
when I return the feelings are worst, it hurts
So in silence we sit, you can't handle it, it works

BABY I'M JADED,
LOVE GOT ME FADED,
DROWNING IN HOPES,
I'M ALWAYS LEFT WAITING,
I DON'T NEED YOUR TOUCH,
I DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY,
ALL I AM LOOKING FOR IS SOMEONE TO LOVE ME,

I'm Not

I'm not the girl I use to be, laughing and finding joy in everything, 

I'm not the girl you thought I was, always in like but never in love, 

I'm not at peace where my soul should find rest, 

I'm not the champion or even second best, 

I feel alone 

Burdened by life and all that comes with it, 

responsibility and adulting, too much to handle, 

burning at both ends, this candles wick,

always alone but surrounded by friends, 

wanting to quit but right in the thick of it,

Pill after pill, used to calm my troubled mind, 

My mind, body and soul suspended in time, 

My courage is failing and joy fleeting, 

These are not ramblings of the twisted, 

the conscious thoughts, needing to be uplifted,

Young, troubled and gifted, 

Surviving suicide, life persisted, 

I can't control these dark thoughts, 

but I can shed light on what has been fought, 

depression is real and a worthy opponent, 

throw on your gloves, 

you're hurt, than own it,

until you understand what I am, 

You will only view what I'm Not

What comes next?

Sitting down in front of the window to the Universe, contemplating how I can change the world, what must I do next to help lead other lost souls to the promise land?
The thought flashes maybe it is not I but you who must do something to move on to the next part of life.
Finishing the first quarter of life I reflect with great respect for those that fell by the way side unable to carry on the burden of living. Respect and admire their courage to take matters into their own hands.
What comes next, well what ever we want to, fear holds us in place while we beat ourselves to death with thoughts of our inadequate nature. Rather than nurturing the talents and gifts that we have been blessed with. We hide away not wanting to be seen "naked". Baring all for the world to see, the beautiful and mighty creation that we are to be.
What comes next, when we lose our footing and don't know where to step next, maybe putting things into perspective we may unburden ourselves of past failures and capitalize on our success. I am, because we are. We are not because I am.
What comes next? You tell me

Only Ever JUST

Our actions communicate 75-80 percent of what we want too and our words are contradictions to the love that we profess, so we are only ever just...

Before love had a name and everything was given titles, you and I existed,
Naked and free we danced on water and played in the trees,
Our two souls, one body, yes God persisted,
Now strangers in a lost world, falling from grace, we lock eyes at last,
I know you, before I was, you were, now we exist,
My life came from yours, you removed me from yourself and made me, a new creation.

So many moons after you spoke this World into existence, you stand before me in the flesh,
I remember those kind brown skies and how light shown bright in them,
Light that saw past my darkness and eventually pulled me out,
So please excuse me if my patients has worn out and I want to wear you out,
Spiritually, adorn myself in you, clothed by your name,
A testimony of True Love,

We are more than Just #blacklivesmatter, we are life, we are matter,
We are the energy with which this World was created and spoken into existence,
So stop being Just another angry black person,
Just another poor black person,
Just another dead black person,
If we are only ever just, we are only ever nothing,

Family

The bonds that tie us together are the same bonds by which we hang,
I speak of you with love, though the words when repeated, cut like a knife,
The sudden feeling of betrayal, shock and dismay,
I speak of my mother and her lack of discipline but I enable the behaviors which cause me anxiety because not having that love, well that would be the death of me.
So too it is with you, that I would open my mouth and speak, never did I think my words would be twisted, nor did I think I said anything that would cause so much pain.
Power in words, yes this I am learning again.
Speak with purpose and do not speak unless present,
Those that are scared will deflect and lie, so be honest and the truth will reveal itself.
I would die for my family but die I never shall,
Grieved to never touch, kiss or see that beautiful smile.
At least not in this life time and not for awhile.
Distance makes the heart grow founder, as I contemplate disappearing into the yonder.
All I want is togetherness, but the voiceless scream for separation.
So peace I leave you with, in solace I know, I did everything to help but harm is all that showed.

Interesting

one day could change everything,
voices from the past now understood,
two people could meet and Interesting how different those people could be,
night and day can co-exist and movies created without a script,
the very existence of man explored, how could this be,
Even the angels watch in amazement at this story playing through,
maybe the distraction is needed, maybe it is forced but the view neccessary,
the search for happiness and calm an introduction so wild and crazy, how could this be,
never would this have happened, could it be true,
The undertone dark, hidden words in music and words not said,
the air suddenly chill and heart rates slow,
taken away carried on the melody of a humming birds hum,
the inability to image what could be coming but why,
why does there have to be a tomorrow or an answer for the feelings,
There are too many times we hold ourselves back scared,
the human emotion of fear is the most paralizing,
crippling you so that you don't feel again,
every now and then you have to spread your wings and fly,
every now and than you have to live and be lost in the moment,
maybe there will a tomorrow maybe there wont but at least you lived through today,

Interesting that after death there will always be life,
a new creation is spawned from every destructive state,
As the new creation grows and develops and a true form takes shape,
remance of the past can be seen, things look familiar though just introduced,
pointless to believe that you have meet this person before,
the interaction feels familiar though brandnew, Ideology in sync, 
the warm  embrace of free love, could this be anymore perfect, 
Could this be, interesting?

Can We Talk?

Will you actually listen?
There is so much that I want to say,
need to say but the words wont flow because they are falling on drunken ears.
I love you more than I should and more than I care too but I do,
Is it possible to be married to someone you have never been married to?
Someone you have never known but you know so much about already,
Talk about what people deserve,
Do I deserve how you treat me, do I deserve the indifference?
You fear being abandoned, yet you continue to abandon me,
You claim all your friends screwed you over and you continue to screw over me,
Do I deserve your type of friendship?
Can we talk?
Will you actually hear me?
Or are you in a drunken stupper,
Drowing whatever is left of your life,
Affirming that it will change but falling short of the requirements to change it,
You don't need me but I need you,
Not to support me but to listen,
I keep beating myself up thinking it is I who is not worthy,
but its you who is not worthy of the amazing life we could have and create together,
It is you not I who is blinded by the glitz of the world, too blind to see what can be shared,
The body of a Goddess and the Mind and Spirit of a Universe without end,
We could conquer this mortal world but you let it drown you,
I have destroyed the brand that the world wishes me to have,
I have coined and monetized my existence,
No one can stand or breath the air I do,
I am beyond this world and others like it,
I am the creator of all things great,
I am Jasmine C. Petit, the end, the beginning,
Forever and Forever I will reign in this life and in paradise,
A mother to the motherless,
A comfort to the friendless,
I am a Women of GOD, if I ask it, it shall be so,
I command you let my heart go,
So I can be the Women God chose.

I Wish

I wish that I could hate you, or even berate you with words of how worthless you are.
I wish I never met you and that our friendship never made it this far.
I wish I could hate you because than my heart wouldn't break, at the thought of not being able to love you and feeling like I'm giving my love away.
I wish it didn't feel like cheating though we will never be in a relationship and I was actually married to someone else.
I wish time really did heal old wounds but time keeps nothing but itself.
I wish I could make love to you, to your spirit, than your mind, then body.
I wish above all that you would relinquish my heart and give it back to me.
I wish you would allow my soul to be free, though you are my Adam and I your Eve.
I wish, I wish I didn't live with this regret, I regret the day I met you or first spoke your name, I regret ever liking you because you never felt the same. I regret giving my heart to you though it feels like I have no choice. I regret that I write because this song bird has lost her voice.
I wish you the best, I wish you love and peace, until our time passes and we meet at God's feet.