What could happen

Its alittle bit messed up this thing we call love
sometimes one feels burdened
other times light as a feather
sometimes you get impatient, waiting for an answer
waiting for them to pick up the other line
because you know they want to
Some times we think about returning to the past
but know it will only mess up our future
see I hate to lead you on but I can't stop thinking about another
and though you were here, he too was here
but I confused love for loathe, so we always fought each other
Now we are adults and I can find the words to say
I think I like you and I think you feel the same way
Now I could ignore these feelings
well that isn't quite true, I am always thinking of him
I think thats what people in love do
I have said I love you because it is true
I wish nothing but the best for you
but I cannot say that I am in love, just a great infatuation
With a gentlemen of a friendly nature
and I would like to see what could happen

FEAR

False evidence appearing real,
you are my fear, Freedom
I have seen that you are not real
you are just another word to be written, read and forgotten
Along with words like empathy and compassion
You stand on the horizon beckoning for me to hasten
but with each step you get further away
covered in fog, that spells out patriot act
From my earliest years you taunted me daily as I said the pledge of alligence
"One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all"
Now as an adult you try to take away my life
Call me a terriost if I bring up the very constition you claim to defend
Freedom, you are lies and propaganda, scandals
to distract the viewer from the real issues
The real problem which is you
I fear Freedom, you are actually enslaving us all
But that would make it false, but it is all to True

Moving in time

We are moving in time, dancing between parallels
I tango in the past, while you samba in the present
I never liked to live in the here and now,
So I leap over to the future and Waltz
Each leg we have been alone, yet together
Dancing between parallels, enjoying the others dance
But not enough to join
Some where along the way you stopped dancing
Life isn't a joke JJ, your gonna have to grow up
I grew up dancing, I danced in AZ
So now half of me beats in Washington, the state not DC
I danced in Price, Utah and Idaho
I think those two years about says it all
I danced in Salt Lake and you watched me fumble on my feet
There you go JJ, always going to someone else beat
I grew up dancing, I danced in West Valley and buried my past
I danced alone, hips swaying in every direction
Hair flowing, arms swinging to my beat, my rhythm at last
I move in time parallel to you, we see each others dance
But we simply enjoy a good view
We are dancing to our own beats, finding joy in our natural dance
Now that I found my rhythm, would you like to dance.

Why do they hate me?

Mommy, why do they hate me? Did I do something wrong
What do you mean baby?
I was watching the news and it said four boys that looked like me were killed. So, why do they hate me, why do they want me dead
How do you explain to your baby the world doesn't hate him, cause this is his world
All he sees is young boys, black boys
Getting killed over colors, or loud music, looking scary and looking like a suspect
Baby, they don't want to kill you, some people where always meant to be angels
Baby, the world isn't a safe place, there are bad people out there but there are also good people
Baby, this country doesn't think that everyone has the same value, a life is a life but in America it makes a difference if you are black or white, rich or poor, male or female
Baby, this is the land of the free, if you can afford it, and brave, because you have a gun and can shoot somebody if they intimidate you
Mommy, why do they hate me?
Baby, they don't hate you, they just don't know how to love either

Nov. 19, 2012

I know you rather hear silence then see words but I wanted to give one last apology. I wrote it in a poem cause well that's how it came out:

I am driven insane by you, endless thoughts of secret meetings
Drawn too but disgusted by your flesh
I swear to God I love to hate you
If I didn't long to see you, I would kill you

but I will never speak your name
never say I love you
never glance in your direction
I will continue to dream of things that never will happen
If I didn't hate you so much I might actually love you
If I didn't want you so much maybe I wouldn't hate you

I could have had you, once, twice, three times in fact
but it never happened I couldn't get over the fact you make my skin crawl
Ever want someone so bad they make you physically sick
and you know they are always doing well which makes you smile
but whenever you try to say congrats, shit hits the fan and just like that

I am sorry you hate me, I am sorry that I fuck things up
and I am sorry for all the broken words I have said
I am sorry for letting go, when you said you needed someone, anyone, the most
I am sorry that we never met because I think if we did, we might actually like each other
I am sorry that I could never talk to you just write endless ramblings that had no point
I am sorry for the lies, I am sorry for the deceit
I am sorry I didn't say I am sorry sooner
and I am sorry it took me hurting you this much to final speak the words
I love you and I am sorry.

Ramblings

Nobody said loving yourself would be this hard
I thought, yay I love me and everyone would be happy for me
Instead my happy was a insanity of its own

See I like the solitude,
Like an alcoholic likes his liquor, I like my peace of mind
and they say you can't live alone in the world
and not be of the world but I think I got it down pact

My mother called me a name once,
said I could blend into any environment,
but I am a Scorpio, though my exs might call me a snake
but I don't get how I get called all the bad names but you did me wrong,

See this is why I like the solitude,
there is something comforting about being alone with ones thoughts
I keep replaying the steps I need to take, over again in my head

I had a dream that I had my feet and hands bound and I was thrown in a pool
I survived because my will to survive was stronger then the hands that cast me in the water
It was a sign that I needed to free myself, from my chains
and to lay waste to all that was holding me back
and if you aren't moving in a forward direction with me
then you must be moving against me
so I must let you go, see

She aint got time for all that
head bobbing, gum snapping
she aint got time for all that bullshit
all the lies and the games
boy aint you tired
go on in the house before it gets dark
cause only grown folks stay out in the dark

My Dream

Big Brown eyes staring back at me
Ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes
Gently pressed to my breast, intoxicating to my nose
Oh those sweet lips, I can't wait to hear your voice

Oh how I love you and you aren't even here,
your not even in the making,
but one day, one day I will see you face staring back at mine
One day I will hold you in my arms
One day I will rock you to sleep
One day I will kiss your hurt knee
One day I will teach you how to play basketball
One day I will tell you where babies come from
One day I will watch you leave for school all by yourself
One day I will take you shopping for prom
One day I will take you to get a car
One day I will follow you off to college
One day I will see you at your graduation
One day I will come visit you in your first house
One day I will hold my first grand child
One day I will get old, and tell you that I love you
One day I will take my place among the stars watching over you
One day when you feel over burdened, I will be there lifting you up
and one day when you have a lived a life so very blessed and god calls you home

I will be there, once again to stare into those Big Brown eyes,
touch those ten perfect fingers and toes
to gently hold you to my chest, and smell my sweet dear child
and see those sweet lips and hear that voice say, I love you mom

Oh how I love you and you aren't even here
how I love your and your not in the making
I love you and you are still just My Dream

Dear Lover

I wish I felt your lips still pressed against mine,
tongues tied, dancing playfully side by side
I wish I felt your finger tips spelling out your desire,
hand prints on thighs, working their way inside
I wish I felt our bodies pressed together in ecstasy,
passionate strokes causing our bodies to erupt

I wish you kissed me slower, I wished you would take your time
I was your reward, crown jewel, Queen
not just something your were sliding between
so lover I wished you would take your time
I wished you loved me harder, harder then lovers do
I wished you and I could be US, that 1 + 1 could equal 1 and not 2

Dear sweet lover, I wish I was braver
I wish I would have said those words before feelings were confused
See I loved you but was not in love with you
and you were in love with me but did not love me
There is a difference, see
I wanted you to be successful
you wanted me sexually
and though I must admit you made me hot
it was that same heat that burnt up our picture of tomorrow
I would never say I was sorry for our journey,
it was beautiful while it lasted,
Its beauty helped me believe in love again
and live life with passion

I wish you a happy life, dear sweet lover

Intro (Part of a project I am working on, some contain profane language)

Let me tell you a story, one of grandeur
sucking lollipops, while them niggas touch ya
thinking that your special, or its only one time
been a trick all your life, but you think you a dime
your only brain is in your pants, to ghetto for romance
talking bout don't want a broke ass nigga but you renting your benz
gotta bring it back after you pick up your kids,
but you just left the club you trying to chill wit ya bitch
i couldn't tell you how to live, whatever floats your boat
and you probably feeling some type of way about the shit that I wrote
but i don't care about your feelings, I am just in mine
while you post on Facebook talking about, "I'm single, why?"
cause your pussy played out like MC Hammer
your baby daddy just found out you fucked his mans,
so he about smash like 5 of your friends
other niggas know you ratch cause you be in the club
going home wit different guys and we know they all fucked
so you can live your fairy tale but real niggas aint buying it
your pussy like netflix, everybody done tried it
I'ma hit this blunt cause I aint got to stunt
you sneaking in the back, while a walk in the front

Shot to the Head

A moment of clarity

Words forming faster then, never quite getting to the tip of your tongue

stuck on each sentence as though to dumb to comprehend

Took a shot to the head, on cloud nine, now some brain cells dead

enjoying the sensation but too in outter space to write the words which truly need to be said

Oh and did I mention the always suggestioning words in my head sense they can’t come to my voice come to my finger instead

take it slow

when rain drops fall outside my window

a gentle soul like mine and a passion so real

please take it slow

Though the wind is trembling or is that just my heart 

Like drums sounding the incoming attack

Drums steady and strong, hastening to the touch, that gentle touch

Lips quivering but words never escaping

Ecstasy, the poetic kind

Take it slow

As the shot to the head runs it course the words start to blur again

I am not feeling stupid just slow, lazy might be more propoper 

So I stop the fight and to my lost words, goodnight

Growth

Wow, before I put up my next post which is a poem, I want to say a lot of growth happened since I last wrote. To be honest I can't remember what was happening in my life but I do have to say I am in a way better head space. Now I am still young and I don't have it all together but I do have a plan and for me I think that is the perfect start.
So my 20's are for Grinding
           30's  start family
           40's raise kids
           50's Enjoy retirement and the grand kids as they come
I won't go past that because I will look 50 forever, I won't age past 50.
Jasmine C. Petit is well she is new, a work in progress to put my life on course.
Well Hi life I am excited to great you.