I hate people

been in tears for the past 3 days like I am so ugh done with everything. You know when you think life would so much easier if I wasn't here. That is how I feel like I want to die but I am scared to be the one to end it. Like always people hate me because I am too honest, and they call it rude. well I think it is rude to be fake to people and make them think that you know them like seriously. Why would I want to waste my time being friends with you, if you are fake. So I am seriously just going to stop talking to people and yeah they can call me a B#tch but its whatever, at least I want have to worry about getting my feelings. Like people think that I am so hard, and with the life I had I had to be or else I would be dead. But I do have feels and it does hurt what people say especially when they are pretending to one of my friends.

Meeting Elijah

Seeing Bernie and Rich and Elijah was great. I really missed seeing them and it was nice to spend some quality time with them. We ate out and chilled at the park and took pictures and had a really good time. My sister also got to meet them and so did my husband Colby. This weekend was really great for me.
However all must things must come to an end and I find myself needing some serious alone time. Just time to myself with anyone around. Time to think.
Their visit really made me happy and I can't wait to see them again. When you go through something like this you get more then just friends you get a family.
Watching how much they love each other makes me feel so wonderful that I was selfish, and makes me happy I listen to heavenly father and Elijah.
ONE more day down and a life time to go.

July 28, 2011

So its been over a year sense Elijah was born. And things are going really great with me. As you know I am married now, and no there will not be any babies on the way for alittle while.
I get to see Elijah for the first time since we last said see you later. And I am really excited. Also my family knows and my sister will be here to meet him. And by here I mean in Idaho. I wish I could go to a session with them, something like that I think would really make Bernie, Rich and I experiences together more solid. If that is even the right would that I should use. I am so excited they just texted me they are in Rexburg now I wish that I could see them tonight.
I miss the girls in group, I wish I had a group to go to. It really does help having people to talk to that understand what you are going through. Its just not the same I don't want sympathy I want empathy and that is a huge difference. I want someone that can tell me you know it gets easier inside of get over it.
Well got to run, I will spend more time keeping in touch.