Nov. 19, 2012

I know you rather hear silence then see words but I wanted to give one last apology. I wrote it in a poem cause well that's how it came out:

I am driven insane by you, endless thoughts of secret meetings
Drawn too but disgusted by your flesh
I swear to God I love to hate you
If I didn't long to see you, I would kill you

but I will never speak your name
never say I love you
never glance in your direction
I will continue to dream of things that never will happen
If I didn't hate you so much I might actually love you
If I didn't want you so much maybe I wouldn't hate you

I could have had you, once, twice, three times in fact
but it never happened I couldn't get over the fact you make my skin crawl
Ever want someone so bad they make you physically sick
and you know they are always doing well which makes you smile
but whenever you try to say congrats, shit hits the fan and just like that

I am sorry you hate me, I am sorry that I fuck things up
and I am sorry for all the broken words I have said
I am sorry for letting go, when you said you needed someone, anyone, the most
I am sorry that we never met because I think if we did, we might actually like each other
I am sorry that I could never talk to you just write endless ramblings that had no point
I am sorry for the lies, I am sorry for the deceit
I am sorry I didn't say I am sorry sooner
and I am sorry it took me hurting you this much to final speak the words
I love you and I am sorry.