Pain

Since I can remember there has always been pain,
I try to smile pretend like everything is okay,
I guess I have gotten really good at hiding the pain.
I am tired of hiding the pain,
want to wear it on my sleeves but the cuts are just too many,
I have been slowly bleeding out,
my slow and painful death.
At one moment one can be so excited about living and the next the only thought is to die.
My mind is just as bipolar as I feel,
Walking to numb,
starving myself,
poisoning myself anything to end the last decade of misery,
I wish I never met the west coast,
it has been one attack after another,
rape, stabs to the heart, hanging, drowning, drugging,
you name it I have experienced it on this west coast,
I hate life, I hate living here,
I can relocate but my family still will not be there,
Ever since she moved me away from my family I have been suffering alone,
no matter how close they are, they feel miles away,
I always knew I would die at 25