Shot to the Head

A moment of clarity

Words forming faster then, never quite getting to the tip of your tongue

stuck on each sentence as though to dumb to comprehend

Took a shot to the head, on cloud nine, now some brain cells dead

enjoying the sensation but too in outter space to write the words which truly need to be said

Oh and did I mention the always suggestioning words in my head sense they can’t come to my voice come to my finger instead

take it slow

when rain drops fall outside my window

a gentle soul like mine and a passion so real

please take it slow

Though the wind is trembling or is that just my heart 

Like drums sounding the incoming attack

Drums steady and strong, hastening to the touch, that gentle touch

Lips quivering but words never escaping

Ecstasy, the poetic kind

Take it slow

As the shot to the head runs it course the words start to blur again

I am not feeling stupid just slow, lazy might be more propoper 

So I stop the fight and to my lost words, goodnight

Growth

Wow, before I put up my next post which is a poem, I want to say a lot of growth happened since I last wrote. To be honest I can't remember what was happening in my life but I do have to say I am in a way better head space. Now I am still young and I don't have it all together but I do have a plan and for me I think that is the perfect start.
So my 20's are for Grinding
           30's  start family
           40's raise kids
           50's Enjoy retirement and the grand kids as they come
I won't go past that because I will look 50 forever, I won't age past 50.
Jasmine C. Petit is well she is new, a work in progress to put my life on course.
Well Hi life I am excited to great you.

I hate people

been in tears for the past 3 days like I am so ugh done with everything. You know when you think life would so much easier if I wasn't here. That is how I feel like I want to die but I am scared to be the one to end it. Like always people hate me because I am too honest, and they call it rude. well I think it is rude to be fake to people and make them think that you know them like seriously. Why would I want to waste my time being friends with you, if you are fake. So I am seriously just going to stop talking to people and yeah they can call me a B#tch but its whatever, at least I want have to worry about getting my feelings. Like people think that I am so hard, and with the life I had I had to be or else I would be dead. But I do have feels and it does hurt what people say especially when they are pretending to one of my friends.

Meeting Elijah

Seeing Bernie and Rich and Elijah was great. I really missed seeing them and it was nice to spend some quality time with them. We ate out and chilled at the park and took pictures and had a really good time. My sister also got to meet them and so did my husband Colby. This weekend was really great for me.
However all must things must come to an end and I find myself needing some serious alone time. Just time to myself with anyone around. Time to think.
Their visit really made me happy and I can't wait to see them again. When you go through something like this you get more then just friends you get a family.
Watching how much they love each other makes me feel so wonderful that I was selfish, and makes me happy I listen to heavenly father and Elijah.
ONE more day down and a life time to go.

July 28, 2011

So its been over a year sense Elijah was born. And things are going really great with me. As you know I am married now, and no there will not be any babies on the way for alittle while.
I get to see Elijah for the first time since we last said see you later. And I am really excited. Also my family knows and my sister will be here to meet him. And by here I mean in Idaho. I wish I could go to a session with them, something like that I think would really make Bernie, Rich and I experiences together more solid. If that is even the right would that I should use. I am so excited they just texted me they are in Rexburg now I wish that I could see them tonight.
I miss the girls in group, I wish I had a group to go to. It really does help having people to talk to that understand what you are going through. Its just not the same I don't want sympathy I want empathy and that is a huge difference. I want someone that can tell me you know it gets easier inside of get over it.
Well got to run, I will spend more time keeping in touch.

November

It's coming to the end of November and I just realized that Elijah will be 6 months soon and he will official and legally be the Wilkinson's.
I love them so very much and I am so happy that I met them.
I really need to call them more its been maybe a month sense we have talked, the sad part is its not that they haven't tried its I didn't try.
I miss my ohana, aloha Wilkinson's.

MY WINGS ARE BACK

I am feeling so much better today I guess I just really needed to cry cause once I did that I had it out of my system and I was smiling again and I feel really good.
I wish that I could go to group with the same people but I can't and they don't even have one where I am, what ever will I do.
I can't wait for church on sunday, there are some nice people here in this town and then there are some others that I don't care for but hey you gotta take the good with the bad and the ugly.