You Tried It

Me a hater I can't believe your tried it,
After a decade of friendship, you would think you would stop lyin,
Your friends say its about the dick but we both know the truth
You got an obligation to a little girl, who adores you
I could give a fuck about your feelings or how it may look
But your mom-ma cries herself to sleep, her chest hurts from your bull
Your pops is wondering where he went wrong, tried to raise a man but you a just a boy that's full grown,
You say you ain't got time but we all know that's bullshit
You have time for what you make time for, so they all know who really means shit
Stop chasing after girls and chase after your family
They are the ones who really have your back, your just a disappointment, no shade just facts
You got her tatted on her arm but you forgot she was there
Made excuses for how you treat her, she is a child it ain't fair
I'm just a friend, who your family adopted
Don't think this is more than that,
So to me they are as much my family
You're my brother, Dog your wack

What could happen

Its alittle bit messed up this thing we call love
sometimes one feels burdened
other times light as a feather
sometimes you get impatient, waiting for an answer
waiting for them to pick up the other line
because you know they want to
Some times we think about returning to the past
but know it will only mess up our future
see I hate to lead you on but I can't stop thinking about another
and though you were here, he too was here
but I confused love for loathe, so we always fought each other
Now we are adults and I can find the words to say
I think I like you and I think you feel the same way
Now I could ignore these feelings
well that isn't quite true, I am always thinking of him
I think thats what people in love do
I have said I love you because it is true
I wish nothing but the best for you
but I cannot say that I am in love, just a great infatuation
With a gentlemen of a friendly nature
and I would like to see what could happen

FEAR

False evidence appearing real,
you are my fear, Freedom
I have seen that you are not real
you are just another word to be written, read and forgotten
Along with words like empathy and compassion
You stand on the horizon beckoning for me to hasten
but with each step you get further away
covered in fog, that spells out patriot act
From my earliest years you taunted me daily as I said the pledge of alligence
"One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all"
Now as an adult you try to take away my life
Call me a terriost if I bring up the very constition you claim to defend
Freedom, you are lies and propaganda, scandals
to distract the viewer from the real issues
The real problem which is you
I fear Freedom, you are actually enslaving us all
But that would make it false, but it is all to True

Moving in time

We are moving in time, dancing between parallels
I tango in the past, while you samba in the present
I never liked to live in the here and now,
So I leap over to the future and Waltz
Each leg we have been alone, yet together
Dancing between parallels, enjoying the others dance
But not enough to join
Some where along the way you stopped dancing
Life isn't a joke JJ, your gonna have to grow up
I grew up dancing, I danced in AZ
So now half of me beats in Washington, the state not DC
I danced in Price, Utah and Idaho
I think those two years about says it all
I danced in Salt Lake and you watched me fumble on my feet
There you go JJ, always going to someone else beat
I grew up dancing, I danced in West Valley and buried my past
I danced alone, hips swaying in every direction
Hair flowing, arms swinging to my beat, my rhythm at last
I move in time parallel to you, we see each others dance
But we simply enjoy a good view
We are dancing to our own beats, finding joy in our natural dance
Now that I found my rhythm, would you like to dance.

Why do they hate me?

Mommy, why do they hate me? Did I do something wrong
What do you mean baby?
I was watching the news and it said four boys that looked like me were killed. So, why do they hate me, why do they want me dead
How do you explain to your baby the world doesn't hate him, cause this is his world
All he sees is young boys, black boys
Getting killed over colors, or loud music, looking scary and looking like a suspect
Baby, they don't want to kill you, some people where always meant to be angels
Baby, the world isn't a safe place, there are bad people out there but there are also good people
Baby, this country doesn't think that everyone has the same value, a life is a life but in America it makes a difference if you are black or white, rich or poor, male or female
Baby, this is the land of the free, if you can afford it, and brave, because you have a gun and can shoot somebody if they intimidate you
Mommy, why do they hate me?
Baby, they don't hate you, they just don't know how to love either

Nov. 19, 2012

I know you rather hear silence then see words but I wanted to give one last apology. I wrote it in a poem cause well that's how it came out:

I am driven insane by you, endless thoughts of secret meetings
Drawn too but disgusted by your flesh
I swear to God I love to hate you
If I didn't long to see you, I would kill you

but I will never speak your name
never say I love you
never glance in your direction
I will continue to dream of things that never will happen
If I didn't hate you so much I might actually love you
If I didn't want you so much maybe I wouldn't hate you

I could have had you, once, twice, three times in fact
but it never happened I couldn't get over the fact you make my skin crawl
Ever want someone so bad they make you physically sick
and you know they are always doing well which makes you smile
but whenever you try to say congrats, shit hits the fan and just like that

I am sorry you hate me, I am sorry that I fuck things up
and I am sorry for all the broken words I have said
I am sorry for letting go, when you said you needed someone, anyone, the most
I am sorry that we never met because I think if we did, we might actually like each other
I am sorry that I could never talk to you just write endless ramblings that had no point
I am sorry for the lies, I am sorry for the deceit
I am sorry I didn't say I am sorry sooner
and I am sorry it took me hurting you this much to final speak the words
I love you and I am sorry.

Ramblings

Nobody said loving yourself would be this hard
I thought, yay I love me and everyone would be happy for me
Instead my happy was a insanity of its own

See I like the solitude,
Like an alcoholic likes his liquor, I like my peace of mind
and they say you can't live alone in the world
and not be of the world but I think I got it down pact

My mother called me a name once,
said I could blend into any environment,
but I am a Scorpio, though my exs might call me a snake
but I don't get how I get called all the bad names but you did me wrong,

See this is why I like the solitude,
there is something comforting about being alone with ones thoughts
I keep replaying the steps I need to take, over again in my head

I had a dream that I had my feet and hands bound and I was thrown in a pool
I survived because my will to survive was stronger then the hands that cast me in the water
It was a sign that I needed to free myself, from my chains
and to lay waste to all that was holding me back
and if you aren't moving in a forward direction with me
then you must be moving against me
so I must let you go, see

She aint got time for all that
head bobbing, gum snapping
she aint got time for all that bullshit
all the lies and the games
boy aint you tired
go on in the house before it gets dark
cause only grown folks stay out in the dark